Funny Quotes about Parenting
We've compiled a list of relatable quotes from a bunch of hilarious mummas whose words best summarise this crazy adventure that is motherhood! Warning, they may make you laugh (or cry!)
1. Children will model the behaviour they see. Me: False, they have seen me sleep. They do not sleep
2. The moment when you go to check in on your sleeping baby and their eyes ping open, so you drop to the floor and roll out of the room like a ninja
3. She believed she could and she almost did and then someone asked her repeatedly for a snack and she lost track of what she was doing
4. Somewhere along the way, I became a person who answers, "yes" to the question, "can I put my dirty tissue in your pocket?"
5. When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out
6. "We don't eat things we find thing in the couch!"... is apparently something I say now
7. That moment when you fake falling asleep to help your child fall asleep and you accidentally take a 3hr nap
8. Caffeine is the foundation of my food pyramid
9. Parenting is a constant battle between going to bed to catch up on some sleep or staying awake to finally get some alone time
10. Taking naps sounds so childish. I prefer to call them horizontal life pauses.
11. And then one day, we decided we were tired of sleeping in & doing whatever we wanted in a clean house, so we had kids
12. If you binge watch while you binge eat, they cancel out each other. That's called science.
13. The hardest part about parenting is trying to be fake mad when your kid does something bad but hilarious.
14. Should I sleep or should I shower? Maybe I could sleep in the shower.
15. Should I sleep or should I shower? Maybe I could sleep in the shower...
16. My house looks like I'm losing a game of Jumanji
17. Hakuna Matoddler: It means no relaxing for the rest of your days
18. That awkward moment when you're not sure if you actually have free time or if you're just forgetting everything.
19. I live in a madhouse run by a tiny army that I made myself.
20. Friend: are you getting enough sleep? Me: sometimes when I sneeze, my eyes close.
21. The house was clean yesterday, we're sorry you missed it!
22. I wore this outfit yesterday but I'm going to different places today...
23. My day starts backwards... I wake up tired and I go to bed awake.
24. All parents want is for our kids to go to bed so we can watch a show with bad words in it and eat the hidden snacks.
25. I'm looking for the moisturizer that hides the fact that I've been tired since 2010.
26. Wish I was as brave as my kid. He just took zero bites of his dinner and then asked me for a snack.
27. A perfect metaphor for parenting is trying to stand up in a hammock without spilling your wine.
28. Nobody is full of more false hope than a mum who places items on the stairs for her family members to carry up.
29. I'm sorry if I didn't answer you, my kid sent you straight to voicemail because he was watching a group of American teenagers fill a pool with Orbeez.
30. I can't wait for my own kids to get their own phones so I can steal their phones and take 400 photos of my left foot.
31. Fill in the gap: Welcome to parenthood. I love you like ___________ and chicken nuggets.
32. Children are really amazing creatures. Who else can talk so much. So early. Without caffeine.
33. Bedtime is the leading cause of dehydration in children.
34. Whenever you feel like a bad parent, just remember that the mum from Home Alone was halfway to Paris before she realised she was missing a child.
35. We haven't panic cleaned for visitors in a while and it shows.
37. I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally.
38. If it requires my child to sit still and be quiet, I can't come.
39. The biggest lie I told myself is 'I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it'.
40. TODDLERS: Will take 35 minutes to put on shoes, but can open 7 apps, delete your gmail, and call your boss in 19 seconds.
41. 1465. The number of times a day I’m told “just one more minute”
42. Friend: are you getting enough sleep? Me: sometimes when I sneeze, my eyes close.
43. I can't wait for my kids to get their own phones so I can steal their phones and take 400 photos of my left foot.
44. A perfect metaphor for parenting is trying to stand up in a hammock without spilling your wine.
45. Wish I was as brave as my kid. He just took zero bites of his dinner and then asked me for a snack.
46. All parents want is for our kids to go to bed so we can watch a show with bad words in it and eat the hidden snacks.
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